quote

"... it feels to me that, if your spiritual practices are causing you anxiety because you get panicked trying to carve time out everyday for them, then they have ceased being of much use. I think of my spiritual practice now the same way I think of my writing practice; it's something I do steadfastly, but not with rigid discipline, because that kills the spark."

elizabeth gilbert, author of "eat, pray, love"

recent breakfast conversation (monologue)

don: "eve, we've started a college fund for you... you're going to go to U of M and you're going to live with daddy until you're 50. then, you can move out. ok, eve?"

eve: smiling, "k"

i see you

eve is starting to speak in sentences. she likes to peek around the corner and say "i SEE yooooouuuuuuu!" so fun.

best father

how did we get so lucky to have the best father around living in our house? when i was pregnant, he wrote the most amazing poem for our daughter in anticipation of her arrival (below). when she arrived, he spent countless hours in the NICU holding her tiny hand, feeding her, and praying for her health. when he returned to me, tear-stained cheeks were the only evidence of his despair. he tirelessly helped me in & out of bed, pushing me around in a wheelchair to see my child. he held me as i cried "my poor baby" about a hundred times. since that time, the love between eve and her dad is palpable. people who encounter it can't help but comment on it. and all i can do is smile and nod my head- yup, it's true. yesterday, she climbed up on him as she always does, using him as her personal jungle gym, but this time she embraced him, laying her head on his chest for several moments then slowly turned toward him with a gentle but heartfelt kiss. she too knows that we have something very special, and his name is Don Bromley.

a poem for my little girl (soon to come) [by Don Bromley]

a little girl,
yet descended,
a new soul
newly founded.

eyes closed
to my world,
still she dreams,
thoughts impearled.

what dreams
can yet unlived
life design,
or hope uplift?

and how can i,
being passing by,
hold her gaze,
sight's first supply?

the giver's choice,
can i demur?
no, i can but take
and to god offer.

new nephew

happy birthday to Daniel John!

sunday in the ER

our first trip to the ER with eve happened on sunday. we were supposed to be heading to kalamazoo for a much anticipated visit with my family for memorial day. instead, the nurse on call instructed us to go to the ER to investigate the cause of eve's unexplained fever. in the waiting room, my familiar "friend" fear paid me a visit. eve was so hot to the touch and all this anxiety & panic descended on me as i imagined worst case scenarios. not too long ago, i read an article about a family whose toddler came down with a high fever one afternoon and died within 24 hours. usually i'm able to filter & forget unnecessary fear-inducing stories, but regrettably, this one stuck. she turned out to be ok (contracted a contagious virus), but the experience there reminded me of all the time in the past i spent living in some state of fear- from the trivial to existential: fear of making a mistake, saying the wrong thing, flying- or rather crashing, my loved ones dying. and it dawned on me that i haven't felt that kind of fear in a long long time. and it's a testament to what God has quietly done in me- way down deep in my core without me even realizing it. so what began as a spiral of fear has become an ardent prayer of thanks.

first trip to the zoo

eve sure loves her aunt jaimie & taylor (and her polar bear gift)!

making cookies

a favorite

i love corn

long overdue visit with my lovely sister!

small group babies

amazing bubbles

great friends

eve loves jack

swinging in april

eve & her papa

february 8

eve took 18 little steps all by herself a couple days ago! she likes to try it when no one's looking (or when she thinks no one's looking). i wonder if she's perfectionist-leaning. looks like she'll be walking by the time she's 18 months old. whew! i can't say i was really worried but sometimes it's hard not to take your child's progress personally. i'm sure (i hope) after the 2nd or 3rd child, it won't even cross my mind. this morning, i reminded eve that aunt jaimie was coming. right away, she quickly made her way to the door and waited for her excitedly. it's so endearing to see her connect with my friends. i'm glad we're not the only influences in her life. we are so blessed to have such wonderful people that love her in our lives.

january 26

finally, at 17 months, eve is getting close to walking. she loves to take my hand so that she can practice walking around the house. she gets so proud of herself when she lets go and stands unassisted. it's the cutest thing. we also can't resist her "up please" requests to join us on the sofa. i just never anticipated the joy of motherhood. it's such an unexpected gift. when i thought long and hard about having a baby, the things that came to mind were sleepless nights, whiny neediness, a mess of toys, annoying childrens music and of course, the requisite saggy breasts & belly (i know, not very selfless thinking). and now, God has blessed us with this living, walking, talking bundle of baby called eve.

november 17

eve is 15 months old today. last night, we watched some video footage of eve's first few months and the whole family got depressed. eve saw daddy holding & kissing the little baby and looked at us with her lower lip sticking out and quivering. and when "the baby" started to cry, she started to cry. and, don & i were dumbfounded at how much growth and change has occurred in just one year. we miss our tiny baby, but are so glad that she's still little. she jumps up and down in her crib now, waves, nods yes, says "hi, what's that?, mama, dada, all done, and bye bye", gives kisses and squeals with delight when daddy chases her while she crawls around the ottoman. she's getting so good at obeying us. she knows not to go near the fireplace or touch the mirror (that we haven't secured yet). she loves to crawl all the way to the mirror and then she sits back on her bottom and claps for herself for not touching it. then she'll talk & gesture while looking at herself. she's such a delight. we are so blessed. now, if don & i could only figure out how to get reacquainted with each other!