eve's 1st birthday today. find myself thinking about her first days in the hospital. especially now that i'm working here on the same floor, adjacent to labor & delivery. spent some time this morning reviewing her medical records, her every-6 hour-bilirubin updates. it's hard to describe how heart-wrenching it is to see your tiny fragile newborn (who you're just meeting for the first time) hooked up to IVs, naked, bruised, eyes covered with a mask. and, worst of all, all by herself in an incubator with no mother to hold & feed her. i remember it being so hard for me to see her like that that i kept asking don for constant updates instead. nothing prepared me for that. before she was born, i would watch all the high risk maternity shows with distant interest. i was emotionally removed, objective, protected. and, now my heart goes out to my brother & sister-in-law and my prayers to my new little niece, born at 28 weeks, who is in her own fight to survive.
