this time last year

quote

"... it feels to me that, if your spiritual practices are causing you anxiety because you get panicked trying to carve time out everyday for them, then they have ceased being of much use. I think of my spiritual practice now the same way I think of my writing practice; it's something I do steadfastly, but not with rigid discipline, because that kills the spark."

elizabeth gilbert, author of "eat, pray, love"

recent breakfast conversation (monologue)

don: "eve, we've started a college fund for you... you're going to go to U of M and you're going to live with daddy until you're 50. then, you can move out. ok, eve?"

eve: smiling, "k"

i see you

eve is starting to speak in sentences. she likes to peek around the corner and say "i SEE yooooouuuuuuu!" so fun.

best father

how did we get so lucky to have the best father around living in our house? when i was pregnant, he wrote the most amazing poem for our daughter in anticipation of her arrival (below). when she arrived, he spent countless hours in the NICU holding her tiny hand, feeding her, and praying for her health. when he returned to me, tear-stained cheeks were the only evidence of his despair. he tirelessly helped me in & out of bed, pushing me around in a wheelchair to see my child. he held me as i cried "my poor baby" about a hundred times. since that time, the love between eve and her dad is palpable. people who encounter it can't help but comment on it. and all i can do is smile and nod my head- yup, it's true. yesterday, she climbed up on him as she always does, using him as her personal jungle gym, but this time she embraced him, laying her head on his chest for several moments then slowly turned toward him with a gentle but heartfelt kiss. she too knows that we have something very special, and his name is Don Bromley.

a poem for my little girl (soon to come) [by Don Bromley]

a little girl,
yet descended,
a new soul
newly founded.

eyes closed
to my world,
still she dreams,
thoughts impearled.

what dreams
can yet unlived
life design,
or hope uplift?

and how can i,
being passing by,
hold her gaze,
sight's first supply?

the giver's choice,
can i demur?
no, i can but take
and to god offer.

new nephew

happy birthday to Daniel John!

sunday in the ER

our first trip to the ER with eve happened on sunday. we were supposed to be heading to kalamazoo for a much anticipated visit with my family for memorial day. instead, the nurse on call instructed us to go to the ER to investigate the cause of eve's unexplained fever. in the waiting room, my familiar "friend" fear paid me a visit. eve was so hot to the touch and all this anxiety & panic descended on me as i imagined worst case scenarios. not too long ago, i read an article about a family whose toddler came down with a high fever one afternoon and died within 24 hours. usually i'm able to filter & forget unnecessary fear-inducing stories, but regrettably, this one stuck. she turned out to be ok (contracted a contagious virus), but the experience there reminded me of all the time in the past i spent living in some state of fear- from the trivial to existential: fear of making a mistake, saying the wrong thing, flying- or rather crashing, my loved ones dying. and it dawned on me that i haven't felt that kind of fear in a long long time. and it's a testament to what God has quietly done in me- way down deep in my core without me even realizing it. so what began as a spiral of fear has become an ardent prayer of thanks.